Sunday, July 08, 2007

MELBURN-ROOBAIX 07.07.07 -L'Fyxomatosis

l'enfer du northcote - it was that time again...... time to hit the pavé, crash over the cobbles, beat the jaw, spine and wrists into submission in the 2nd Annual Hell of the Northcote, the Melburn-Roobaix Classic on fixed velo's...

Presented by UGLY RACING, shifterbikes, team-cta, & FYXOMATOSIS the desperate combatants gathered at Fed Square at the 07.07.07 noon gong, under threatening skies, to gloat on the bling of years past, to query inches & ratios, check out Moltemi & Mapei jersey, Duegis track slippers (black of course for the road), and shiver at the prospect of the bone jarring pavé ahead across the plains and cols that are the heart of the now legendary Melburn-Roobaix parcours.

Would my trusty steel steed , equipped with 84 gear inches, roubaix-ready rims with cross laced 32's on Super record, and ancient reliable tubs get me up the "Col d' Ugly...hmm merd! Only the day's end would prove that ( did !..not easy and it was fun,(in a painful way) & but it was an agonisingly common shared experience across the peleton)
....time to go.

Under controlled start of the raised tri-coleur balloons, the peleton eased through the throng of well wishers and moved along the Champs de Birrarung, to the "church of afl" to collect the Directeur's "manifest" at the "G's" light tower 3, then to get on all fours and raise the derriere to the sky in hommage of the place and to plan and plot the "route du enfer".
ah,...hellish Airline Bank lane, argh!! ( 300m of shuddering 8% pave), the apt Little O'Grady Street, (where all genuflected in honour of the red headed annointed one), then Albert Park's Little Page, and the endless Ashworth, 2klms of pavé for those who wanted to shake their teeth from the heads, the side roads are a wimpier but saner option!. Up to the top floor of 189 Flinders Lane to register the empty car park number, (all in now drizzling freezing rain) lift or ramp, that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to elevate up and ramp it down, that 'twas the question....then down the lanes of caffiene to that fruity institution Café Tropicana, for a java or mega juice and a flat repair kit courtesy of BSC and l'mangement, merci maitre d'hôte. !, then via laTrobe to Bells Lane a hidden Gem, and on past l'hospital to hidden Vine Place..impossíble!!, on through the park in search of the coeur d'leon the #58 Tram, where was that?, , then Spurway & Cocoa Jackson lanes, ahh for a cocoa... then mérd!!!,
le Col d'Ugly ,,,aggh, say no more but it was all ( almost down hill to the R.O.W and the Velodrome entering to the crowds of well wishers and in a fleeting vision (of the momentous victory) of Le'Stuey!!,

Now that's over, get the to the Brunswick rubbity at the Lamond on Blythe and partake of warming black beer, body heat and gather by the fire, empty the ATM with unexpected mass use, and pick a punt on the TAB.

after congratulating L'generál Andy for unleashing hell once again, 'twas time to leave for a soaking bath, after a quick shower to de mud, find my toes and massage the thighs back into feeling from their state of numbing pain...I was tho'resplendant in the 07 black and red l'Fyxomatosis T-shirt, for a longer term memory fixer, (if such was ever needed)
'twas a day in Hell, wet, soggy, juddering memorable and bring on next year!! woohoo

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